Pundits with Punchlines Standup Comedy in Nor Cal!July 17, 2008 – 9:03 pm Watch Harvin perform in the 3rd Annual Pundits with Punchlines Comedy Tour! Wednesday, July 23rd @ Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco, CA Thursday, July 24th @ the Improv in San Jose, CA Both Shows start at 8pm. For tickets and more information, visit www.punditswithpunchlines.com
Homeless People in India Vs. AmericaJuly 16, 2008 – 1:24 am I was thinking of a situation I ran into last summer when I was in India. I was about to enter a cinema in my hometown of Jammu with my family to watch an Indian movie. Now watching a Bollywood movie is an experience in its own right, but watching in India heightens the experience to another level, and is a blog topic in its own right for later. Before my family entered the theater, we were approached by two groups of beggars. One yielded a large elephant controlled by ropes so you wouldn’t get crushed, asking for change in exchange for a ride. The other beggar was a woman with a basket holding a small snake threatening to put a curse on you if you didn’t give her some money. Call it what you will, but this is far more gangster than any homeless person in the US that I’ve run into. I even think by calling our country’s penniless “homeless” softens them up a bit. I’ve also never been approached by a guy on the side of the freeway threatening me with a black curse and an earthworm in his right hand. But at the same time, the wild animals in India that are at the beggars’ discretion are much more “wild.” So to all the homeless folks in the US checking this blog (see picture below)…steal something from a zoo, and step your game up
Annoyed by YouTube Celebs?July 11, 2008 – 5:21 am As annoying as some artists are getting on the radio as Pari mentioned. I find myself restraining my own fists from hitting myself in the forehead sometimes after seeing the attention some people get on YouTube. I also am a non-violence type of guy, and it would take hypocrisy to some weird dimension if I beat up myself. Anyway, I’m sure you know what I mean by the term “YouTube Celebs.” If not, simply go on YouTube, and look at some of the people that have the most subscriptions, and you’ll find some definite mind degenerating material. Not to completely discredit these people, I mean I occasionally have “Chocolate Rain” running around my head without finding escape, but it amazes me how much consistent support these guys get sometimes (i.e try to watch more than 3 consecutive videos of YouTube user “Fred” without questioning the invention of the internet). I’ll stop being cynical, and get to what I found. Weezer’s recent release “Pork and Beans” has a great music video that caught my attention. It features a bunch of the recent internet celebrities, including some funny cameos from geography anti-guru Ms. South Carolina, the Numa Numa guy…and yes even Tay Zonday, the creator of Chocolate Rain. See for yourself Dear JonJuly 2, 2008 – 3:42 pm Here are a few letters I want to send to musicians/artists/bands who are currently making bad music on the radio these days:
Dear Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown, No, you cannot breathe without air. Please stay in school and learn about the difference between fish and human anatomy before writing your lyrics. Love, Pari
Dear Usher, Trust me, you do not want to make love in this club. It’s unsanitary in here. Just looking out for you. Your friend, Pari
Dear Lil Wayne, Shawty wanna thug? Are you asking me or threatening me? I don’t understand what you’re saying to me. Also, I saw your music video on YouTube. You’re not that “lil” anymore. Stop lying to yourself. Curious inquirer, Pari
Dear Mariah Carrey, Why are you so annoying? Hugs and Kisses, Pari Word of the DayJuly 2, 2008 – 10:09 am I’m angry too, too. Ok got the pink ballerina image out of your head? I have also neglected this blog as if it were my child that liked the Yankees. And I apologize holding my ears. Anyway, I ran across the word portmanteau today, and intrigued me. Especially because I saw it on a comedy website. I instantly went to my primary source of knowledge when flustered and deficit of attention; Google. The definition according to MDubs (Merriam Webster) is as follows: a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog) There are many portmanteaus that we throw around regularly. Spork. Claymation. Spanglish, etc. So I thought I’d make some of my own. Harvin’s Proper Portmanteaus Storring-Something Stupid and Boring Minter-Combination of Minty and Bitter, like when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth Harvin-Hard and Vindicated Make your own in the comments for a special prize to be name Slater (sometime later)!! I’m angry.June 30, 2008 – 10:50 pm Hey guys, I know, I know…its been a long time, you don’t have to remind me. Yes, I admit it, I’ve been a bad updater of my own website. I’ll go ahead and subtract twelve thousand Pari points for myself. SIKE! Remember when “sike” was cool? Haha, you actually thought I’d really subtract Pari points to myself? You’re crazy! You know how much Pari points are worth? I’ve heard stories that some people traded their Pari points and got a new huffy bike at Target. Can you believe that! However, everyone knows Pari points are impossible to come buy. Sucks for you. Anyway, back to topic. Yes, you might be angry that I haven’t updated my own blog. But I am also angry. Apparently I have been kept out of the loop. Being a creator of viral videos myself, apparently people failed to notify me about the funniest viral video on the planet. The first part of the following videos was made in 2006. I just saw Part I just a few weeks ago and almost wet myself. After I watched Part II shortly thereafter, I turned into a new born baby, fell to the floor, and my arms were flapping around. I was crying and couldn’t breathe because I was laughing too hard. After I watched Part III, I pissed myself. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the greatest viral videos on the Planet: The David Blane Street magic spoofs created by the hilarious troup, ThoseLilRabbits:
YouTube India OfficialMay 19, 2008 – 12:43 am India now has its own official YouTube page dedicated to featured content sent in by users from India. Even Crank Dat Curry Sauce was one of the initial videos featured on the front page. In celebration, join Dr. K. Chaudary below in singing his official salutations song to YouTube India entitled “Jaldee Jaldee YouTube pe aana chaahiye.” What time is it?May 18, 2008 – 8:41 am The following event can happen at any given moment at any given time. Of course, I am talking about Chai Time. Any Indian reading this blog understands that’s time of day where you have to stop whatever it is you’re doing and make yourself a cup of tea. Now I am not a big tea/coffee drinker, but have seen this happen with my own eyes. I’m not proud of it, but I guess I’ll share this secret of mine… My parents are addicted to tea. It’s no laughing matter. They’re up to four cups a day and its getting out of control. Initially I thought, hey, they’re just going through a phase, let them experiment, but now I am genuinely concerned. They are so addicted that they actually get into fights about who will make the next cup of tea. They’ve been married 25 years now, and I’ll tell you a typical example: It is Saturday morning in the Mathur household. My dad is upstairs watching old Kishore Kumar classics on YouTube on his new macbook pro (which I think he loves more than me by the way) and my mom will be downstairs watching Namaste America. All is peaceful and quite until all of a sudden my mom will turn to the left and yell “SUNNIYEEEE!!!!” Now this word in Hindi literally means “hey listen” but we Indians know what it really means when it comes down to chai. It means “Hey Fatso! Move your butt down here and make me a cup of tea!” And my dad will come downstairs almost angry, with a frown on his face like he’s really upset. And he’ll come stand in front of my mom and be like “Excuse me. Did you forget yesterday? When Radha and family where over? Who made the tea?” My mom glare at him and always say “That was the first time you’ve ever made tea…” Now when arguments are not going their way, Indian uncles will always say one inspirational quote which they think will win the argument My Dad responds, “Well the first time is the best time!” Nobody knows what he means but he says it with such conviction that he thinks he knows what he’s talking about. But after a five minute long banter, they forget about the argument and because they’re so addicted, one of the two will always end up making tea for the other. This happens daily and Ive tried everything to get my parents off this Indian drug. Do they have a tea nicotine patch? Let me know, cause my parents need it. Maybe I need to be a VegetarianMay 16, 2008 – 7:25 am So last week in LA, I was on my way to a recording session for Mixed Nutz, and I was running a tad late. However, I had not eaten a thing all day and conveniently went through a Wendy’s drive through near my destination. I ordered a chicken sandwich and I was on my way. What happened next has never happened to me before, nor did I think it was possible. I took my first bite into the sandwich and felt as if someone was soldering my lower lip ala 7th grade shop class (aka brute force and no hand control with the iron). I realized that the damn sandwich burned me. This was no incident I thought was blog worthy, let alone to tell anyone publicly (War Veteran: “I got this battle scar fighting off the German Battalion : Harvin: “I got this from a spicy chicken sandwich”). However, a few days after, I find myself with a continuously-slow-bleeding-mini-open wound, that hurts all day and will hardly let me open my mouth, kinda like the Bush administration over the past 7 years. This led me to two conclusions. Either this is a sign from God telling me to become a vegetarian, or we’ve discovered a new torture mechanism in Guantanemo Bay. Could you imagine? Being famine after being detained by Homeland Security after accidentally putting your girlfriend’s Heavenly Divine lotion in your baggage, getting hauled to Git-mo with no inflight food service…and being a presented a Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy’s when you arrive, only to find out after the first bite that you’ve been branded in the face. Maybe it’s all promotional, just a way to add a red freckle on your face like the Wendy’s girl. |
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