Bobby Jindal Re Addresses the Nation, and Drops by our Studio
April 30, 2009 – 10:32 am
April 30, 2009 – 10:32 am
Turkey Talk
April 13, 2009 – 4:53 pm
There’s a flock of Turkeys that strut around like a gang outside of my place. They block cars, stare you down, and I’m guessing are the ones doing all the crazy anti-flying bird graffiti.
I attempted to converse with the head turkey and let him know that I am not intimidated. He shouted back, and opened up his feathers. I ran.
Classless Gucci Glasses
April 12, 2009 – 7:36 pm
So a friend and I went to an “upscale” shopping area in San Jose called Santana Row the other night. We went to a cool burger spot, but after, decided to peruse some of these stores with the craziest and scariest mannequins I’ve ever seen in my life. They were either bald, armless, had scary mouths, or were a combination of those. It was pretty ironic to walk into these luxury stores during the recession, but it was the prices that just totally blew our “cover” as potential customers. Every time I looked at a price tag, my knees slightly buckled and I’d let out what can only be described as a Guffaw . Tie, $700…”ha..wow, maybe not.” Jacket, $4,000…”maybe the burger particles on my fingers lessened the value of this as I touched it.” T shirt…that’s right..T SHIRT, $900. When I saw a Nine-Hundred dollar t shirt, I had no idea what to do..so instead of falling faster than the Dow..I calmly smirked, shook my head, eyed the nearest employee of the store, and said “pshhh…I spend more on my boxers,” and promptly left.
Mario Kart
April 9, 2009 – 1:56 am
We’ve been playing a lot of Mario Kart as of late at the Studios. And I’ve realized there are several life lessons that can be learned through the game.
1. If you ever feel like you’re in last place in life, just find a blue turtle shell, attach spikes, and take out the guy in first so you don’t feel as bad.
2. Bananas may be high in potassium, and if strategically placed on the floor, can be a useful weapon. However, eating a mushroom can be a great power boost to the day.
3. If you ever meet a guy named Bowser, he’s probably a d-bag.
4. When going in the wrong direction in life..just wait for a goggle-wearing animal in the clouds to pick you up via fishing pole, and direct you where to go. This is how I operate when not using google maps.
5. If all else fails…just hit the reset button.
Dis be a Mad fresh Mad Lib
April 8, 2009 – 4:16 am
Next to choose your own adventure books..mad libs have always been the shiz in this biz. I decided to have fun with an online mad libs site, check http://www.eduplace.com/tales/ to make your own…mind you these are recommended for 3rd graders, but here’s one that they titled “The Great Dough Disaster.” My additions are in bold and you don’t get to read the story until you write the words..for instance they asked for “famous actress”..i wrote “1995 jennifer lopez.”
The Website called this one:
The Great Dough Disaster
Last summer, my friend daniel craig got a job at the decrepit Pastry Shop. For the first few weeks, he ate the floors, ran on the shelves, and unloaded 87-pound sacks of flour from the delivery trucks.
Finally, 1995 jennifer lopez, the owner, told daniel craig that she would teach him to make bread. “Now, pay attention, daniel craig,” she said superbly. “I’ll make the first batch of dough. Then you can make the next batch while I go to the north korean sauna.”
Poor daniel craig! He had a habit of letting his toe wander. When 1995 jennifer lopez left for the north korean sauna, he started to mix the ingredients. “Let me see,” he said. “I think she put in 947 packages of yeast.”
A short while later, the dough started smacking. It kept on smacking. daniel craig tried to cover it with a(n) gerbil, but the dough wouldn’t stop smacking. It was everywhere! “What can I do?” thought daniel craig.
Just then, 1995 jennifer lopez returned from the north korean sauna. “daniel craig!” she screamed. “What have you done?”
“It’s not my fault,” cried daniel craig. “The dough just started smacking and wouldn’t stop.”
1995 jennifer lopez had to let him go. Now daniel craig has a job making omelletes. I don’t think he’ll ever eat bread again, let alone make it.
and now…you know how Fast and the Furious was written
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Some Poems
April 6, 2009 – 12:19 am
Some Original Limerick-esque poems to fancy your tickles.
Allergy Season
The little feline purred, and then let out a sneeze,
An achoo! would ring out, every time that it breathed,
It wasn’t pollen, or flowers, or the dust from old hats,
No this little tigress, was allergic to cats.
Bintu Singh
Bintu Singh braved the cold, and walked outside with no Jacket,
Negative 13 degrees, and all he possessed was a Racket,
To play tennis in mid winter with a blistering breeze,
Passerby’s passed in horror, thinking “surely he’ll freeze,”
Only wearing some socks, and his favorite red shorts,
When people shot glances, he would proudly retort,
“I’m Bintu Singh! Full blooded Punjabi!”
With a warm coat of hair from his head to his knees.
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Odd Job
Randy read boring things to cows,
This was his full-time job,
He read them Latin books, some business manuals,
Even a yawn-inspiring blog,
Randy told them all seventy-eight side effects of a pill,
And read to them for 2 straight hours of how a law becomes a bill,
So why do such a silly job, surely more dull than being a grocer,
Randy read boring things to cows, because he was a professional Bull-Dozer.
Oalimpiks
August 12, 2008 – 5:35 am
Ahem..I mean “Olympics” obviously. The inner potential spelling be champion located next to the kidney of all Indians corrected my terrible spelling error in the title. But finally! An Indian has won an individual gold medal (our first major worldwide achievement in sport outside of the spelling bee)! Abhinav Bindra won the gold in the Men’s Air Rifle event yesterday, but even cooler was his outfit:
All those years of DuckHunt finally paid off. Any of you guys out there like me, and would end up getting frustrated and just run up to the TV smacking the screen point blank with that awesome orange gun? I regress…this is a great achievement though, and I won’t trivialize it by equating his feat to DuckHunt.
Another Indian, Raj Bhavsar helped the US men’s gymnastics team capture a bronze medal after a hard fought journey to get on the team itself. Congrats! Wait here while I attempt the pummel horse on my dog.
Be Afraid…
July 24, 2008 – 3:26 am
I’ve realized a fear that I’ve had for many years. But only now am I able to make it public. Airplane toilets. No, I’m not claustrophobic, or have any extreme phobias of public bathrooms, but simply the act of flushing an airplane toilet. The sound emitted from one of these banshee receptacles can be equated to 5 cappuccino machines possessed by the devil and firing off at once. Since childhood I’ve been afraid of being sucked through and shot into oblivion with no parachute or floating devices. I hope I am not alone in my disliking of airline bathroom flushes, and if there are others out there, meetings are Tuesday at 7pm behind Home Depot. Next to the porta potties.
Pundits with Punchlines Standup Comedy in Nor Cal!
July 17, 2008 – 9:03 pm
Watch Harvin perform in the 3rd Annual Pundits with Punchlines Comedy Tour!
Wednesday, July 23rd @ Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco, CA
Thursday, July 24th @ the Improv in San Jose, CA
Both Shows start at 8pm. For tickets and more information, visit www.punditswithpunchlines.com
Homeless People in India Vs. America
July 16, 2008 – 1:24 am
I was thinking of a situation I ran into last summer when I was in India. I was about to enter a cinema in my hometown of Jammu with my family to watch an Indian movie. Now watching a Bollywood movie is an experience in its own right, but watching in India heightens the experience to another level, and is a blog topic in its own right for later. Before my family entered the theater, we were approached by two groups of beggars. One yielded a large elephant controlled by ropes so you wouldn’t get crushed, asking for change in exchange for a ride. The other beggar was a woman with a basket holding a small snake threatening to put a curse on you if you didn’t give her some money. Call it what you will, but this is far more gangster than any homeless person in the US that I’ve run into. I even think by calling our country’s penniless “homeless” softens them up a bit. I’ve also never been approached by a guy on the side of the freeway threatening me with a black curse and an earthworm in his right hand. But at the same time, the wild animals in India that are at the beggars’ discretion are much more “wild.” So to all the homeless folks in the US checking this blog (see picture below)…steal something from a zoo, and step your game up
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