YouTube India OfficialMay 19, 2008 – 12:43 am India now has its own official YouTube page dedicated to featured content sent in by users from India. Even Crank Dat Curry Sauce was one of the initial videos featured on the front page. In celebration, join Dr. K. Chaudary below in singing his official salutations song to YouTube India entitled “Jaldee Jaldee YouTube pe aana chaahiye.” What time is it?May 18, 2008 – 8:41 am The following event can happen at any given moment at any given time. Of course, I am talking about Chai Time. Any Indian reading this blog understands that’s time of day where you have to stop whatever it is you’re doing and make yourself a cup of tea. Now I am not a big tea/coffee drinker, but have seen this happen with my own eyes. I’m not proud of it, but I guess I’ll share this secret of mine… My parents are addicted to tea. It’s no laughing matter. They’re up to four cups a day and its getting out of control. Initially I thought, hey, they’re just going through a phase, let them experiment, but now I am genuinely concerned. They are so addicted that they actually get into fights about who will make the next cup of tea. They’ve been married 25 years now, and I’ll tell you a typical example: It is Saturday morning in the Mathur household. My dad is upstairs watching old Kishore Kumar classics on YouTube on his new macbook pro (which I think he loves more than me by the way) and my mom will be downstairs watching Namaste America. All is peaceful and quite until all of a sudden my mom will turn to the left and yell “SUNNIYEEEE!!!!” Now this word in Hindi literally means “hey listen” but we Indians know what it really means when it comes down to chai. It means “Hey Fatso! Move your butt down here and make me a cup of tea!” And my dad will come downstairs almost angry, with a frown on his face like he’s really upset. And he’ll come stand in front of my mom and be like “Excuse me. Did you forget yesterday? When Radha and family where over? Who made the tea?” My mom glare at him and always say “That was the first time you’ve ever made tea…” Now when arguments are not going their way, Indian uncles will always say one inspirational quote which they think will win the argument My Dad responds, “Well the first time is the best time!” Nobody knows what he means but he says it with such conviction that he thinks he knows what he’s talking about. But after a five minute long banter, they forget about the argument and because they’re so addicted, one of the two will always end up making tea for the other. This happens daily and Ive tried everything to get my parents off this Indian drug. Do they have a tea nicotine patch? Let me know, cause my parents need it. Maybe I need to be a VegetarianMay 16, 2008 – 7:25 am So last week in LA, I was on my way to a recording session for Mixed Nutz, and I was running a tad late. However, I had not eaten a thing all day and conveniently went through a Wendy’s drive through near my destination. I ordered a chicken sandwich and I was on my way. What happened next has never happened to me before, nor did I think it was possible. I took my first bite into the sandwich and felt as if someone was soldering my lower lip ala 7th grade shop class (aka brute force and no hand control with the iron). I realized that the damn sandwich burned me. This was no incident I thought was blog worthy, let alone to tell anyone publicly (War Veteran: “I got this battle scar fighting off the German Battalion : Harvin: “I got this from a spicy chicken sandwich”). However, a few days after, I find myself with a continuously-slow-bleeding-mini-open wound, that hurts all day and will hardly let me open my mouth, kinda like the Bush administration over the past 7 years. This led me to two conclusions. Either this is a sign from God telling me to become a vegetarian, or we’ve discovered a new torture mechanism in Guantanemo Bay. Could you imagine? Being famine after being detained by Homeland Security after accidentally putting your girlfriend’s Heavenly Divine lotion in your baggage, getting hauled to Git-mo with no inflight food service…and being a presented a Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy’s when you arrive, only to find out after the first bite that you’ve been branded in the face. Maybe it’s all promotional, just a way to add a red freckle on your face like the Wendy’s girl. Cinco de WhatMay 6, 2008 – 3:31 am Hey…I’ve been a terrible blogger recently…I apologize, but hey…I’m glad you’re over it now, let’s move on. Cinco De Mayo! omg, find as many friends that are willing to buy Corona’s on sale at the local Bev Mo and buy a sombrero and poncho. That is the meaning of the holiday as I perceive it from what all my friends and acquaintances are up to. However, not many people know, May 5th actually commemorates the initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. Not as exciting is it. Wikipedia literally says that Cinco De Mayo “is perhaps best recognized in the United States as a date to celebrate the culture and experiences of Americans of Mexican ancestry, much as St. Patrick’s Day, Oktoberfest, and the Chinese New Year are used to celebrate those of Irish, German, and Chinese ancestry, respectively” Hm….St. Patty’s Day-Lots of people drink to “celebrate ancestry”, Oktoberfest-more people drink to “celebrate ancestry,” and Chinese New Year, is probably an excuse for all the non Chinise in China towns across America to “celebrate ancestry.” Isn’t it a tad funny that all these holidays celebrate the past with a hobby that, well, doesn’t really help you even REMEMBER the past? On this Cinco De Mayo, I will remember going through the bank ATM and seeing a Mexican Grandmother with 4 of her grandchildren walking down the sidewalk, each profoundly wearing the colors of the Mexican national flag. The last kid in line was the best, probably around 4; Sombrero-check, Poncho-check, Miniature Mariachi Guitar-Check, Super Green Rainboots that made him look like the kid from “Big Daddy”-Supercheck. So while I have a fond memory of my Cinco De Mayo, I hope you at least remembered to have a designated driver. And if not…here’s something to suit your Seis De Mayo Hangover Have an issue?May 4, 2008 – 6:35 pm I try as much as possible to live a healthy lifestyle. My new years resolution was to do more cardio and since then, I have kept my promise and run a mile everyday (give or take four or five days). I feel good, know I’m doing my heart a favor, and am even up to three and a half abs on my quest! BOOOYA! I feel physically fit these days and thought I was in great condition, that is until the tree in front of my house blossomed these crazy pink mutant flowers. Now all my life I’ve never been allergic to anything. The only thing I know is that I make girls allergic to me. Anyway, for some odd reason now, every time I go outside and pass this tree with flowers, my left eye starts watering. Exactly three minutes later, I will start crying from my left eye and sneeze exactly six times consecutively thereafter. After this ridiculous moment, everything stops and nothing happens. All is calm. It just seems like God was bored and decided to play playing tricks with my face and made everything short circuit. Then all hell breaks loose. My right eye starts itching while the left eye starts to spasm. Not only do I sneeze but feel extremely sleepy. I also crave butterscotch ice-cream. This happens exactly ten minutes after I pass this tree. I took sex education in elementary school and am pretty sure I am not pregnant so I have come up with two reasons for this absurd act:
Those are the only things that would ever cause such illogical malfunctions in my face. I refuse to believe I am allergic to anything. I am a MAN! Now give me a tissue… My new toyMay 1, 2008 – 6:36 pm I just got a paper shredder. It’s awesome. I’ll find any excuse to shred anything lying around because the act of shredding is so fun. Not only can my handy dandy paper shredder shred paper, but it can also shred credit cards. Its a good excuse to clean out your wallet too. I don’t mean the credit cards that you use, but old IDs and such. I had a Newport Beach Library card which I got one day back in college. Will I ever go back again? Probably not. Result = SHREDDED. Anyway, they should make household shredders that shred everything. For instance, I have a problem with my socks. I can never find the other sock to complete the pair since I stupidly bought a variety of socks over the course of my life and there are also sock gnomes stealing and living off of my socks in my closet. I have tube socks, ankle socks, christmas socks, and I even think I have a pair of Harvin’s black socks for some reason. Anyway, on a good day, I can coordinate maybe three pairs after I do laundry. But my closet is full of “pairless” socks. So what do I do with just one sock? SHREEDED! I would also love to shred a banana and a turkey leg for absolutely no reason. SHREDDED! |
