Be Afraid…

I’ve realized a fear that I’ve had for many years.  But only now am I able to make it public.  Airplane toilets.  No, I’m not claustrophobic, or have any extreme phobias of public bathrooms, but simply the act of flushing an airplane toilet.  The sound emitted from one of these banshee receptacles can be equated to 5 cappuccino machines possessed by the devil and firing off at once.  Since childhood I’ve been afraid of being sucked through and shot into oblivion with no parachute or floating devices.  I hope I am not alone in my disliking of airline bathroom flushes, and if there are others out there, meetings are Tuesday at 7pm behind Home Depot.  Next to the porta potties.

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Pundits with Punchlines Standup Comedy in Nor Cal!

Watch Harvin perform in the 3rd Annual Pundits with Punchlines Comedy Tour!

Wednesday, July 23rd @ Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco, CA

Thursday, July 24th @ the Improv in San Jose, CA

Both Shows start at 8pm. For tickets and more information, visit www.punditswithpunchlines.com

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Homeless People in India Vs. America

I was thinking of a situation I ran into last summer when I was in India.  I was about to enter a cinema in my hometown of Jammu with my family to watch an Indian movie.  Now watching a Bollywood movie is an experience in its own right, but watching in India heightens the experience to another level, and is a blog topic in its own right for later.  Before my family entered the theater, we were approached by two groups of beggars.  One yielded a large elephant controlled by ropes so you wouldn’t get crushed, asking for change in exchange for a ride.  The other beggar was a woman with a basket holding a small snake threatening to put a curse on you if you didn’t give her some money.  Call it what you will, but this is far more gangster than any homeless person in the US that I’ve run into.  I even think by calling our country’s penniless “homeless” softens them up a bit.  I’ve also never been approached by a guy on the side of the freeway threatening me with a black curse and an earthworm in his right hand.  But at the same time, the wild animals in India that are at the beggars’ discretion are much more “wild.”  So to all the homeless folks in the US checking this blog (see picture below)…steal something from a zoo, and step your game up

vs.

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Annoyed by YouTube Celebs?

As annoying as some artists are getting on the radio as Pari mentioned.  I find myself restraining my own fists from hitting myself in the forehead sometimes after seeing the attention some people get on YouTube.  I also am a non-violence type of guy, and it would take hypocrisy to some weird dimension if I beat up myself.  Anyway, I’m sure you know what I mean by the term “YouTube Celebs.”  If not, simply go on YouTube, and look at some of the people that have the most subscriptions, and you’ll find some definite mind degenerating material.  Not to completely discredit these people, I mean I occasionally have “Chocolate Rain” running around my head without finding escape, but it amazes me how much consistent support these guys get sometimes (i.e try to watch more than 3 consecutive videos of YouTube user “Fred” without questioning the invention of the internet).  I’ll stop being cynical, and get to what I found.  Weezer’s recent release “Pork and Beans” has a great music video that caught my attention.  It features a bunch of the recent internet celebrities, including some funny cameos from geography anti-guru Ms. South Carolina, the Numa Numa guy…and yes even Tay Zonday, the creator of Chocolate Rain.  See for yourself  

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Dear Jon

Here are a few letters I want to send to musicians/artists/bands who are currently making bad music on the radio these days:

Dear Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown,

No, you cannot breathe without air. Please stay in school and learn about the difference between fish and human anatomy before writing your lyrics.

Love,

Pari

Dear Usher,

Trust me, you do not want to make love in this club. It’s unsanitary in here. Just looking out for you.

Your friend,

Pari

Dear Lil Wayne,

Shawty wanna thug? Are you asking me or threatening me? I don’t understand what you’re saying to me. Also, I saw your music video on YouTube. You’re not that “lil” anymore. Stop lying to yourself.

Curious inquirer,

Pari

Dear Mariah Carrey,

Why are you so annoying?

Hugs and Kisses,

Pari

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Word of the Day

I’m angry too, too. Ok got the pink ballerina image out of your head? I have also neglected this blog as if it were my child that liked the Yankees.  And I apologize holding my ears.  Anyway,  I ran across the word portmanteau today, and intrigued me. Especially because I saw it on a comedy website. I instantly went to my primary source of knowledge when flustered and deficit of attention; Google. The definition according to MDubs (Merriam Webster) is as follows:

a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog)

There are many portmanteaus that we throw around regularly. Spork. Claymation. Spanglish, etc. So I thought I’d make some of my own.

Harvin’s Proper Portmanteaus

Storring-Something Stupid and Boring

Minter-Combination of Minty and Bitter, like when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth

Harvin-Hard and Vindicated

Make your own in the comments for a special prize to be name Slater (sometime later)!!

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