I was thinking of a situation I ran into last summer when I was in India. I was about to enter a cinema in my hometown of Jammu with my family to watch an Indian movie. Now watching a Bollywood movie is an experience in its own right, but watching in India heightens the experience to another level, and is a blog topic in its own right for later. Before my family entered the theater, we were approached by two groups of beggars. One yielded a large elephant controlled by ropes so you wouldn’t get crushed, asking for change in exchange for a ride. The other beggar was a woman with a basket holding a small snake threatening to put a curse on you if you didn’t give her some money. Call it what you will, but this is far more gangster than any homeless person in the US that I’ve run into. I even think by calling our country’s penniless “homeless” softens them up a bit. I’ve also never been approached by a guy on the side of the freeway threatening me with a black curse and an earthworm in his right hand. But at the same time, the wild animals in India that are at the beggars’ discretion are much more “wild.” So to all the homeless folks in the US checking this blog (see picture below)…steal something from a zoo, and step your game up
I’m angry too, too. Ok got the pink ballerina image out of your head? I have also neglected this blog as if it were my child that liked the Yankees. And I apologize holding my ears. Anyway, I ran across the word portmanteau today, and intrigued me. Especially because I saw it on a comedy website. I instantly went to my primary source of knowledge when flustered and deficit of attention; Google. The definition according to MDubs (Merriam Webster) is as follows:
a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog)
There are many portmanteaus that we throw around regularly. Spork. Claymation. Spanglish, etc. So I thought I’d make some of my own.
Harvin’s Proper Portmanteaus
Storring-Something Stupid and Boring
Minter-Combination of Minty and Bitter, like when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth
Harvin-Hard and Vindicated
Make your own in the comments for a special prize to be name Slater (sometime later)!!
India now has its own official YouTube page dedicated to featured content sent in by users from India. Even Crank Dat Curry Sauce was one of the initial videos featured on the front page. In celebration, join Dr. K. Chaudary below in singing his official salutations song to YouTube India entitled “Jaldee Jaldee YouTube pe aana chaahiye.”
So last week in LA, I was on my way to a recording session for Mixed Nutz, and I was running a tad late. However, I had not eaten a thing all day and conveniently went through a Wendy’s drive through near my destination. I ordered a chicken sandwich and I was on my way. What happened next has never happened to me before, nor did I think it was possible. I took my first bite into the sandwich and felt as if someone was soldering my lower lip ala 7th grade shop class (aka brute force and no hand control with the iron). I realized that the damn sandwich burned me. This was no incident I thought was blog worthy, let alone to tell anyone publicly (War Veteran: “I got this battle scar fighting off the German Battalion : Harvin: “I got this from a spicy chicken sandwich”).
However, a few days after, I find myself with a continuously-slow-bleeding-mini-open wound, that hurts all day and will hardly let me open my mouth, kinda like the Bush administration over the past 7 years. This led me to two conclusions. Either this is a sign from God telling me to become a vegetarian, or we’ve discovered a new torture mechanism in Guantanemo Bay. Could you imagine? Being famine after being detained by Homeland Security after accidentally putting your girlfriend’s Heavenly Divine lotion in your baggage, getting hauled to Git-mo with no inflight food service…and being a presented a Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy’s when you arrive, only to find out after the first bite that you’ve been branded in the face.
Maybe it’s all promotional, just a way to add a red freckle on your face like the Wendy’s girl.
Hey…I’ve been a terrible blogger recently…I apologize, but hey…I’m glad you’re over it now, let’s move on. Cinco De Mayo! omg, find as many friends that are willing to buy Corona’s on sale at the local Bev Mo and buy a sombrero and poncho. That is the meaning of the holiday as I perceive it from what all my friends and acquaintances are up to.
However, not many people know, May 5th actually commemorates the initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. Not as exciting is it.
Wikipedia literally says that Cinco De Mayo “is perhaps best recognized in the United States as a date to celebrate the culture and experiences of Americans of Mexican ancestry, much as St. Patrick’s Day, Oktoberfest, and the Chinese New Year are used to celebrate those of Irish, German, and Chinese ancestry, respectively”
Hm….St. Patty’s Day-Lots of people drink to “celebrate ancestry”, Oktoberfest-more people drink to “celebrate ancestry,” and Chinese New Year, is probably an excuse for all the non Chinise in China towns across America to “celebrate ancestry.” Isn’t it a tad funny that all these holidays celebrate the past with a hobby that, well, doesn’t really help you even REMEMBER the past?
On this Cinco De Mayo, I will remember going through the bank ATM and seeing a Mexican Grandmother with 4 of her grandchildren walking down the sidewalk, each profoundly wearing the colors of the Mexican national flag. The last kid in line was the best, probably around 4; Sombrero-check, Poncho-check, Miniature Mariachi Guitar-Check, Super Green Rainboots that made him look like the kid from “Big Daddy”-Supercheck.
So while I have a fond memory of my Cinco De Mayo, I hope you at least remembered to have a designated driver. And if not…here’s something to suit your Seis De Mayo Hangover
So I spent last weekend filming for a Honda Civic commercial that is due out soon. It was a 3 part webisode directed by Chris Robinson (ATL, Nas, T.I videos). I’ll keep you guys posted on when it’s out, but let me just say, I danced bhangra to dirty rap.
I am also hosting the Continuous Comedy show at the Hollywood Laugh Factory at 8pm this Thursday, March 29th at 8pm. To get on the discount guest list, email me at Harvin@pariandharvin.com.
Now to end this blog, here are some various awkward moments that we sometimes find ourselves in:
-Entering Large department store (i.e. Macy’s, JC Penny, etc) in the Bra’s section, and getting lost, with that look on your face that screams “I’m not a pervert! I’m trying to get out of here as fast as possible!”
-Being waved to, waving back with a smile, and realizing that person was waving to the person behind you.
-Sitting in a conference room, in one of those new leather chairs that makes you sound like you’re passing gas everytime you move. And you had to wear your leather pants on this day.
-Wishing someone a happy 22nd birthday when it’s their 23rd birthday.
-Wishing someone a happy 22nd birthday when its their 67th wedding anniversary.
and here is a video of a favorite comedian of mine, Zack Galifianakis looking awkward on the Ellen Degenerous show, not knowing what to do between the breaks.
So for some odd reason..I have a superpower…I have the ability to be the little paper clip in Microsoft Word that shouts at you when you @#$!&* up at grammar and spelling. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I felt an urge when reading Pari’s last two blogs, so I will critique them in the character of my college freshman year English Professor.
Mistake 1: OMG That’s So Funny!: “Alladin”
Not only is this a movie you should never misspell. But the first one on your list? The way you spelled it, “Alladin,” makes it sound like the way Indian uncles and aunties pronounce it that annoy me (Ull-Ah-Deen)…..maybe that is the correct pronunciation…but it makes Princess Jasmine’s lines sound a little different when you pronounce it the way that would get him beat up in elementary school.
Mistake 2: OMG That’s So Funny!: “I remember the first one because it was good and made me want to quite school and become a full time Pirate”
So yea I know…what a crime, added an extra E. But now look what you’ve created. Some kid is going to read this who is just starting to learn big words like “quite” and might see your little entry Pari on our entertaining website PARIandHARVIN.com. One day he could become an amazing speller because of his addiction to online Scrabble, and finds himself on ESPN at the national spelling bee. He is a champion, a proud son, and ready to be a budding modern philosopher, however his first word is “quit.” So he doesn’t remember studying such a petty word, and goes back in his memory to..Ah yes! Pari’s blog on fantastic movies. He spells it your way. He’s out. He’s Laughed at. Loses all life confidence. And for the rest of his life, has to clean gum off of sidewalks in the ghetto in Wyoming.
Look at his Before and After
Point is. Use Spell check or Ruin a Childs Future people. Speaking of Spelling Bee’s. Here is a funny video from the national spelling bee from a few years back.
First of all..im not even a U.S Citizen so don’t flip out and be like OMGzzz PariAndHarvin officially endorse Obama, jimminy xmas folks. But, I, Harvin Sethi, do support Barack Obama. I even have a cool Obama webpage here. After sending out a blast today about the creation of Sikhs For Obama, I received an email from a friend from SepiaMutiny that simply said, if you want some reasons that will help you decide between Hillary and Obama, go to this site I created http://www.whyimvotingforobama.com
and now for some comedy, he also sent this video, with the humble phrase, “P.S., Perhaps the most compelling reason to vote for Obama:”
to end…I found an awesome random fact site, here are some of my favorites for today:
-The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.
-On every continent there is a city called Rome.
-The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
-Mel Blanc, who played the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
vs. 
Paritosh Mathur