Ahem..I mean “Olympics” obviously.  The inner potential spelling be champion located next to the kidney of all Indians corrected my terrible spelling error in the title.  But finally!  An Indian has won an individual gold medal (our first major worldwide achievement in sport outside of the spelling bee)!  Abhinav Bindra won the gold in the Men’s Air Rifle event yesterday, but even cooler was his outfit:
    

All those years of DuckHunt finally paid off.  Any of you guys out there like me, and would end up getting frustrated and just run up to the TV smacking the screen point blank with that awesome orange gun?  I regress…this is a great achievement though, and I won’t trivialize it by equating his feat to DuckHunt.   

Another Indian, Raj Bhavsar helped the US men’s gymnastics team capture a bronze medal after a hard fought journey to get on the team itself.  Congrats!  Wait here while I attempt the pummel horse on my dog. 

Wednesday, July 23rd @ Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco, CA

Thursday, July 24th @ the Improv in San Jose, CA

Both Shows start at 8pm. For tickets and more information, visit www.punditswithpunchlines.com

vs.

Dear Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown,

No, you cannot breathe without air. Please stay in school and learn about the difference between fish and human anatomy before writing your lyrics.

Love,

Pari

Dear Usher,

Trust me, you do not want to make love in this club. It’s unsanitary in here. Just looking out for you.

Your friend,

Pari

Dear Lil Wayne,

Shawty wanna thug? Are you asking me or threatening me? I don’t understand what you’re saying to me. Also, I saw your music video on YouTube. You’re not that “lil” anymore. Stop lying to yourself.

Curious inquirer,

Pari

Dear Mariah Carrey,

Why are you so annoying?

Hugs and Kisses,

Pari

a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog)

There are many portmanteaus that we throw around regularly. Spork. Claymation. Spanglish, etc. So I thought I’d make some of my own.

Harvin’s Proper Portmanteaus

Storring-Something Stupid and Boring

Minter-Combination of Minty and Bitter, like when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth

Harvin-Hard and Vindicated

Make your own in the comments for a special prize to be name Slater (sometime later)!!

I know, I know…its been a long time, you don’t have to remind me. Yes, I admit it, I’ve been a bad updater of my own website. I’ll go ahead and subtract twelve thousand Pari points for myself.

SIKE!

Remember when “sike” was cool? Haha, you actually thought I’d really subtract Pari points to myself? You’re crazy! You know how much Pari points are worth? I’ve heard stories that some people traded their Pari points and got a new huffy bike at Target. Can you believe that! However, everyone knows Pari points are impossible to come buy. Sucks for you.

Anyway, back to topic. Yes, you might be angry that I haven’t updated my own blog. But I am also angry. Apparently I have been kept out of the loop. Being a creator of viral videos myself, apparently people failed to notify me about the funniest viral video on the planet. The first part of the following videos was made in 2006. I just saw Part I just a few weeks ago and almost wet myself. After I watched Part II shortly thereafter, I turned into a new born baby, fell to the floor, and my arms were flapping around. I was crying and couldn’t breathe because I was laughing too hard. After I watched Part III, I pissed myself.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the greatest viral videos on the Planet: The David Blane Street magic spoofs created by the hilarious troup, ThoseLilRabbits:

Any Indian reading this blog understands that’s time of day where you have to stop whatever it is you’re doing and make yourself a cup of tea. Now I am not a big tea/coffee drinker, but have seen this happen with my own eyes. I’m not proud of it, but I guess I’ll share this secret of mine…

My parents are addicted to tea.

It’s no laughing matter. They’re up to four cups a day and its getting out of control. Initially I thought, hey, they’re just going through a phase, let them experiment, but now I am genuinely concerned.

They are so addicted that they actually get into fights about who will make the next cup of tea. They’ve been married 25 years now, and I’ll tell you a typical example: It is Saturday morning in the Mathur household. My dad is upstairs watching old Kishore Kumar classics on YouTube on his new macbook pro (which I think he loves more than me by the way) and my mom will be downstairs watching Namaste America.

All is peaceful and quite until all of a sudden my mom will turn to the left and yell “SUNNIYEEEE!!!!” Now this word in Hindi literally means “hey listen” but we Indians know what it really means when it comes down to chai. It means “Hey Fatso! Move your butt down here and make me a cup of tea!”

And my dad will come downstairs almost angry, with a frown on his face like he’s really upset. And he’ll come stand in front of my mom and be like “Excuse me. Did you forget yesterday? When Radha and family where over? Who made the tea?”

My mom glare at him and always say “That was the first time you’ve ever made tea…”

Now when arguments are not going their way, Indian uncles will always say one inspirational quote which they think will win the argument

My Dad responds, “Well the first time is the best time!”

Nobody knows what he means but he says it with such conviction that he thinks he knows what he’s talking about. But  after a five minute long banter, they forget about the argument and because they’re so addicted, one of the two will always end up making tea for the other.

This happens daily and Ive tried everything to get my parents off this Indian drug. Do they have a tea nicotine patch? Let me know, cause my parents need it.